Thursday, June 30, 2011


I went through another round of hormones and IUI this month. I switched meds from Femera to Clomid which I had tried before. Femera made me evil, caused horrible acne and made me feel like at any moment my pants button was going to fling off like in those Subway commercials and poke someone’s eye out. Clomid merely gave me some night sweats which are completely bearable, for me and for Mike.

Anywhoo I went to my regular monthly check ups and scans and they were all extremely positive. The nurse was glowing with how thick my lining was and how many follicles I had, she even mention to me that multiples were something that I should be aware of which made me even more excited since I would love nothing more than to have twins.  So I was elated with all this positive news and was sure that I was going to indeed become pregnant this go around.  I had to wait one week to get my progesterone levels checked to deduce if ovulation indeed took place and my levels were high, all great news. All there was to do now was wait one more week to pee on a stick and pass that final test.

I’m not sure what it was but Monday before the test I just knew I wasn’t pregnant. I didn’t feel pregnant. (To which my male friend said to me, well it’s not like you have much experience in feeling pregnant. I told him, I had zero experience feeling pregnant with Matthew but I knew I was before I took the test. Any mother can attest to the feeling you have I am sure). The feeling just wasn’t there. Fake feelings are there, they have been for months, since being on hormones adds to your sensitivity and heightens your normal monthly routine. I finally have become used to this, the first few months on the hormones I was POSITIVE I was pregnant because of how sore I was but alas it’s just the drugs playing tricks on your mind and increasing the let down you feel when you see only one line come up on the stick or two words instead of one.

I cannot explain the devastation. I cannot even understand it myself. This desire to have a second child has overcome me. I want Matthew to have a big family. I want him to have a sibling to talk to about how dumb mom and dad are being or how some girl broke his heart when he is too cool to talk to me. Last night, prior to taking the test, when I already knew it was going to be negative, I was sitting in a chair by myself just starring off into space blankly when Matthew came up to me sat on my lap and said, “what’s wrong mommy?” I told him I wanted to give him a brother or sister and didn’t think I could, he said “don’t be sad, be happy mommy.” Made me cry harder. He then went and told Daddy on me. Told Daddy that Mommy was happy, not sad.  Lie.

I just want to say to those who tell me to give it a rest, it will happen when you’re not expecting it, when you stop trying and to enjoy what you have now… I do. I love my Matthew more than any words could ever express. He is truly a blessing in our lives and I am not discounting that. I am thankful every day for him and all the joy he brings us. I don’t want to seem like I am complaining because I only have one child. I know there are so many people out there who cannot have any children and that there are exponentially bigger problems in the world, down the street and even in my family than not being pregnant but it doesn’t make the disappointment any less crushing.

So in appreciation of my son, I am going to post a photo a day during the month of July.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Wish List Wednesday

                                          My one wish today is for this

To be this


That is all

The Bonus Room Before and After

Here is the before and after of the bonus room. Before it was too toy filled and messy to share. Now its just eh but better.
The little door goes into the attic storage space.  They had it very bare before.

Not too much has changed in this room other than the furniture.We are gearing up to paint, perhaps add a treatment to the ceiling and add a large frame around the photo grouping.(Yes I was watching smut tv) ((Yes we have an old tv))

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Before/ After in progress

I have lived in South Carolina for almost a year and have done a lot of fix ups, painting, re arranging, Internet searching, debating, waning, wanting and completing some projects. I have been minorly successful in begging my mom for custom drapes (they are in work, ah hem). We have two bathroom complete remodels coming up, a ceiling knockdown to apply, change of carpet at the end, some wallpaper to throw on the walls in the dining room and then there is the back yard challenge and I think we might be done.... wait, its never done. I am always changing my mind, finding new inspiration and moving things around. But that will be it as far as the current list goes.

All the 'before' photos were taken at the time we viewed the home, with the previous owners furniture and staging.

The guest bedroom before was a poopy kind of brown color with nothing special about it other than the size.

 I painted the room Benjamin Moore Cotton Balls and I don't recall the stripe color. I rearranged the room and added some simple store bought drapes and sheers to add a whimsy to the room. I toiled over the bedspread while still living in Florida. I am still liking my choice. I have put this dresser up on craigslist but no takers yet. I want to make this room a slash office and don't really need the dresser any more, plus I've had it since college and am sorta over it but it works in the space until I can replace it with a crib.

Hallway leading downstairs, plain- nothing special and also a too dark shade of beige for my liking.

I forced my mom on a tall ladder and she wallpapered for me. I love the statement it makes and it ties both floors together nicely. Sort of a classic lived in feel.

Mike also added this wainscoting for me, all the way around the upstairs hallway and we also painted the walls cotton balls and the woodwork a high gloss white.

I didn't get a great before of the kitchen but again, I didn't agree with the color choices. This island fights me. The previous owners remodeled the kitchen just prior to selling it. Its nice to have granite and matching stainless steel appliances but the set up had left me scratching me head and loudly sighing more that I like. But it does the job I suppose.

We painted it a bright cheery yellow and replace the fan with a light fixture I love.

We found the perfect size table for the bay window eat in kitchen off craigslist for a mere $100, it has a leaf too! This is one room my mom dressed for me in style with window coverings. Thanks!!

The previous owners had twins toddlers, and I want to point out that the house, when shown, had nary a toy out and was impeccably staged. After meeting said owner it was clear that they were not nearly the meticulous homeowners as once perceived but that is neither here nor there.

View from the half staircase

I love the downstairs now! We painted it a light shade of yellow the compliments the kitchen. Carried the color up the stairs too. This antique furniture was a find! I mean a steal! I'm talking, found on the side of the road, stop the car, jump out and shove it with all your might in your truck and recover kind of find. Or in my case, your mom does the finding, the shoving and the recovering but nonetheless it happened. I picked out all this fabric whilst still in Florida but could picture it working so well and it does! I didn't want to make it feel too old fashioned and standoffish with the style of the furniture so we picked a bright green patterned fabric. Ill just mention that there is coordinating fabric cut up on my moms sewing table just waiting to meet its new winow.

View from the top. Again the sofa and matching chair were sidewalk steals. The curve chair was recovering, yet again, and I found this rug, after months and months and a few buys and returns, off of My sweet old man memow kitty is always ready for a photo op. Also in this room, we freshened up the mantle with a coat of high gloss white.

This angle shows some more unique pieces that I love. First being the antique cash register drawers that used to be my grandfathers the my mom begrudgingly passed on to me- it sits on top of an old sewing machine stand and acts as a catch all side table in between two naked window, ah hem... sorry mom. Above that piece is some art work that my mother-in-law did and gave to us. We are lucky to have such creative people in the family.

Here is one of my favorite pieces, the buffet. One of the first pieces I ever purchased on my own that didn't come in a Target box. You can also see the wallpaper going up the staircase here. That chair is my moms, its just waiting for her to move up here and it will go into her house.

I didn't take a photo of this room before but it hasn't changed much other than the furniture. It is however getting a face lift soon with some grass cloth wallpaper above the chair railing and the same cotton balls color below. Drapes and table runners compliments of my moms hard work. The photo is of the Falls down at the park in our new town.

Again, no real before photo but this is the entryway into the house. This view showcases the mirror treatment we put up. I love that its not the traditional large paniting or slanted mirror against the wall that normally appears on a mantle but its a fun twist on the mirror look that brings in a ton of reflective light into the room. You can also see another painting of my mother-in-laws above the chair to the right of the fireplace.
And again, not a before photo. Our master is set up almost identical to our previous home but I did change the wall color from sage green to a light blue. We had the parsons chairs already recovered and used them in the living room in our old house but now we use them in the bedroom and I had my mom whip up some giant matching pillows to tie it together. There is also some gorgeuous airy curtains in the works but that is neither here nor there. Please excuse the slight messiness to my bed, yes its messy, Im actually a little upset that Im using this photo with out the tighly pulled sheets etc but I am a bigger person this year, letting go of the little things. LOL.

So anywho there it is a mini tour of the house. I left out Matthews room and our bonus room which houses the tv and all our other old living room furntiture but at the time of photography it had experienced a toy explosion and I cant let go that much.
Hope you enjoyed!
Ill post some bathroom renovations as we get there.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Wish List Wednesday

Okay it’s been too long, I have had many thoughts since last I wrote but life impedes my blogging ways.

Wish List Wednesday

On the list today is a bird bath slash water fountain. I have the perfect spot for it amidst my South Carolinian bushes and plants that are flourishing despite the fact that I have a black thumb. The problem is I can’t see spending the money for the one I really want but also don’t want to spend less money on something I don’t really want. Anyhow, here is the ideal Water Fountain with the backup bird bath following it.

Next on current list of wants is a food processer. The only time I have really found the need for it is when I am making Oreo cookie ball truffles and have to smash the Oreos in to crumbs with a meat tenderizer. Just seems wrong. I am sure if I owned one I would use it for many other cooking projects but the Oreo Balls are what sparked this desire.
Does anyone have they recommend?
Now some more random items that have made it back on the list:
A Galileo thermometer. I believe we had one when I was little, I probably broke it.
I have wanted one for a few years now but when I see that they are $30 bucks for a decent size one, I skip it thinking that there is something more important to spend my money on. Like Starbucks or photos, you know the important things. So alas I have not purchased one for myself yet. This would be a great gift if anyone is every in the need to buy me a gift.

Nude shoes. Nuff said. I found the perfect pair a week or so ago, not too old fashioned, but not harlot like either, appropriate for work or a casual outfit and the suckers were out of my size. These are not a photo of said shoe but a good replacement unit however they look like they are blister makers.

They are so beautiful and seemingly hassle free. Perfect for the New Year’s Resolution to keep more plants alive. I am not sure I have the patients or the right size tweezers to operate in such a confined space to make this pretty but perhaps I will try or find one that I like enough to purchase.