Friday Things

7 things you didn't really want to know about me

 

 

• I cannot eat soy- I am soy intolerant- you have been warned
• I cannot set the thermostat- it does not like me- I touch the upstairs unit and the downstairs turns on, I shivered the other night in bed whilst I am sure downstairs was nice and toasty
• My singing makes Matthew cringe and I find it hilarious-I prefer NKOTB and Sir Mix A lot for my morning serenades
• I need a warehouse for all the craigslist finds that I want to re do
• I have my credit card number memorized and my settings saved on Amazon, this is very dangerous
• My chevron addiction is getting stronger- even Mike has picked up on it. I bought a chevron bathing suit.
• People who back into parking spaces annoy me

24 things to be grateful for

1. Being in relatively good health (even if there is always going to be room for improvement) and having a lot to look forward to in life.
2. Having one or all of your grandparents left, because so many people grow up without ever knowing what it is like to have them in their life.
3. Being able, through the internet and cellphones and other magical devices, to keep in touch with whomever we want at whatever time we want, from anywhere in the world. (Even if we don’t always use this to our fullest advantage and let people go for long periods of time without hearing about us.)
4. When you go to the beach and the sand is incredibly hot — almost too hot — just before you put your feet in the ocean to cool them off.
5. Low-maintenance friends who don’t require much from you other than you being caring and entirely yourself.
6. Friends whom you can go months or years without seeing, but with whom it always feels like you are picking up exactly where you left off.
7. Kind neighbors who will do things for you such as keep your spare key, or take in your mail when you’re out, or even babysit your pets.
8. The fact that travel is less expensive and more accessible than it has ever been, and you can even find people with whom to cross states and countries sharing only gas money.
9. That we live in a time at which, though there are still limits, we are more free to live and choose our paths as individuals than we have ever been in history.
10. That all of the music you have ever loved or could ever discover is literally at your fingertips, waiting to be listened to at any moment.
11. Skype.
12. Learning about what is going on in other parts of world which used to be completely inaccessible to us in real time, through every medium from Twitter to international news organizations.
13. People with whom you vehemently disagree but always have a good, respectful debate that never feels personal or resentful.
14. The way it feels when the first few snowflakes start to fall and you aren’t sure at first if it’s actually snowing or you’ve just imagined it, until you realize that they are actually coming down quite quickly and you’d better get inside where it’s warm.
15. Having a warm, safe vantage point from which to watch the snow.
16. Having dozens of people pass by on our various social media to wish us a happy birthday and send us a few kind words, even if it seems like relatively little effort on their part. It’s always nice to be thought of, and to realize how many people you have touched in life, even briefly.
17. Seeing pictures of all of your friends growing up and changing and doing incredible things with their lives you would have never anticipated, if even from afar.
18. Fresh, hot donuts, and how easily accessible they are.
19. Places from your hometowns that stay the same, continue to be just as beautiful and welcoming, and always feel like you’re stepping right into your house when you go there.
20. The people you encounter throughout your day — from the energetic barista to the helpful person at the information desk — who take the extra moment to be kind, to smile, and to make you feel tended to.
21. Couch surfing.
22. Living in places which enable you to experience the best of all seasons, exactly as you want to see them, even if it means choosing somewhere which skips over winter or never gets that hot in the summer.
23. Hugs in the airport after an extended period of not seeing someone you love.
24. The fact that we are able to explore and falter in the pursuit of what we want — that no one way to do things is perfect or correct — and that we have never had more options for what our life could look some day like than right now.

Honest Bomb

Since having Lily I have felt like a bad mother toward Matthew because I am constantly correcting him, don’t be too rough with her, hold her like this, I can’t snuggle with you because I have to feed Lily, etc etc the list goes on and on and I know he feels it because he has no qualms about voicing his disappointments with me on the regular. Along with this feeling of poor mothering, I feel overwhelmed that there is something more out there. That along with mother I am supposed to be doing something greater than I am currently. I am 32 and 10/12ths and I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

I am feeling super conflicted about my life path. Should we have more children? Would Matthew love having a brother? Am I crazy for wanting to have a huge family when sometimes 2 kids makes me want to crawl into the dust filled corner and rock myself like a detoxing drug addict? Or is it because the moments of pure love that I see between them, and the look of Mike holding his daughter so gently and wrestling with Matthew on the floor makes me know that this is a house of love and we could surely add to it. If we have more kids would I then stay at home? What would make sense? Making less money as a family to feed more mouths? Or going to work to feed the kids that I wouldn’t get to raise? If I didn’t work would my kids feel the same way towards me? Would they feel less empowered as an adult to work hard? Matthew asked me why I didn’t snuggle with him last night after he got home from school. I told him I had to make dinner- he asked why can’t daddy? The thing is Daddy does make dinner most nights, I am blessed with a husband who likes and does a good job at cooking, probably more out of necessity since I like my food pretty bland. But he sees that and it sticks with him, he doesn’t know about society’s norm of gender roles, mom in the kitchen dad at work. Does that still exist? Should it? Would we have as many problems in our world if we were able to stay home and pay more attention and have more quality time with our kids? The constant race to have more and be more is suffocating us. Let’s look at Valentine’s day just as an example, I bet a lot of you moms out there felt a twinge of guilt after seeing some of those super extravagant home made valentines the other kids brought in to pass out at their class parties. I know I tried to up my game a little bit this year by not buying a box of premade valentines and actually finding something that Matthew could be part of (really just gluing an eye to a card I printed out).

 We moms do this to ourselves. I don’t think blogs and social media have caused this game of comparison and shaming (of ourselves or others), but it’s certainly heightened things. Even without Pinterest to make us crazy, we size each other up at the play ground, at school pick up, Sunday church, and even by the items in each other’s grocery store carts. Preservatives? Sodium? Are those bananas organic? LUCKY CHARMS???!!!

I am trying to not let others make me feel bad about myself, possess an aura of positive light and smile at my kids all the time – regardless of all the questions swirling in my head. So if you see me, know that I am a ball of contradiction at the moment and my words, actions and thoughts won’t likely all be going in the same direction. I am celebrating the absurdity that is parenting and practicing gratitude for everything that has happened in the past and that is possible for the future.
 

“Your real, new self (which is Christ’s and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sound strange? The same principle holds, you know, for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end. Submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The Biggest Loser : Post Baby Body

Best compliment - “You don’t look like you just had a baby”.

I was very weary during my pregnancy weight gain that I was going to have a hard time losing the weight. I thought that since I was a little older and had a child already that it was just going to hang on me.

I just want to say that after two babies, two c-sections, two serious weight gains, (60lbs with Matthew and 40lbs with Lily) I am down to my pre pregnancy weight and then some. Not to say that some extra flab isn’t there but I fit into my clothes!  I am eating healthy, snacking mindfully and making working out a priority. There are a lot of moms out there that say they would rather spend time with their child then get fit which I think is comical. The hour a day I spend away from my kids is enhancing our relationship, since I will have more energy to play with them, more stamina to keep up with them and feel better about myself in the long run.

Since returning to work my new schedule allows me to go Saturday and Sunday mornings and two nights throughout the week. I just this week stopped breast feeding so I will learn if I need to make any adjustments to my diet to maintain my weight. I would like to lose another 5-10 pounds but I am not going to obsess about it. Santa brought me a bike for Christmas with a child seat so Lily and I can race Matthew around the neighborhood. Swimsuit season is right around the corner which means Matthew will be dragging us to the pool and one of my New Year’s resolutions is to run a 5K a month, and my first one is this Saturday.  So just living an active lifestyle will help stave off those extra pounds. In addition to the 5K goal, I am also committed to not eating candy this year (thanks Michelle Pizzo for the idea). Now I am solely talking the crap from the grocery store that is laden with corn syrup, hydrolyzed milk protein, or artificial ingredients. So a homemade cookie or treat is not off my list of things to indulge in. Also I am going to try to stick with the no fast food thing. I don’t eat McDonalds or anything like that anyhow, but sometime Chic-Fil-A sneaks in there, so I am going to make an effort to not do that anymore either. I recently purchased a Fit Bit calorie counter/ pedometer, which I think I am going to return because it does not seem entirely accurate but I do want to find one I like because it does make you aware of your movement and keeps you accountable plus it feels great to finish a combat work out and see the number of calories burned, instant gratification if you will.

My biggest goal/resolution is to just be happy! I had waited so long to get pregnant that I sorta lost sight of all that I have. I am ecstatic with my life right now, sure some things could be better, I could be more affluent, I could have 6 pack abs and a personal chef…maybe a goal for someday but for Now, I am present in the moment and happy with all the things in my life.

 

 

 

 

Its been two months...

I have been trying to write this for weeks now but as you know there is a new love in my life that has taken over my being.  My house has been full lately. Lily is 2 months old today and it has been a blur since I first laid teary eyes on the sweet baby girl we had prayed so hard for. Grammys and Grampas coming to meet the newest addition to the family, friends and loved ones coming to greet her with hugs and soft kisses. She is indeed a very sweet, mild mannered baby and is everything I dreamt of. People have been telling me that now we have the ‘perfect family’, not sure if that is because I have one child of each sex now but I tend to agree, I am beyond happy with our new family.

A quick birth story: During the cesarean the anesthesiologist tapped Mike on the shoulder and told him to stand up and to watch Lily being born on the other side of the blue sheet separating me from shock as my insides were out. We had talked about him seeing me that way, he wasn’t sure he could handle seeing me like that, but when he was tapped he stood right up and I was able to watch through his eyes the birth of our daughter that we had waited 3+ years for. The joy in his eyes is something I will always remember. Then I heard her cry for the first time and the doctors told me that she had a ton of hair, Mike verified that she was indeed a girl and I took a deep breath for the first time since being strapped down to the operating table. Mike was summoned over to the table to help clean her off (of pollen as my brother says), measure and weigh her and they stamped her feet right on his scrubs. Within minutes she was swaddled and in his arms and he was back sitting by my side with our newest love as the doctors completed the surgery. Looking at her in his arms is a joy I cannot fully describe.  Soon he was ushered out of the OR and the dr’s finished me up and I was scooted back into the recovery room where I was able to hold her for the first time and tears just overcame me. I held her skin to skin and she nursed immediately which was amazing.

Matthew meeting Lily for the first time was overwhelmingly sweet. So much love for each child swelling inside, and watching Matthew rub her head and ask permission to kiss her just shows his sweet nature. We stayed in the hospital for just two days, we had the most amazing nurse staff and beside the sweltering heat I experienced from all the meds I was on, I has zero pain and was able to get up and move around a lot easier than my first cesarean.

These last two months have been a joy and a blessing, sleepless nights and all. Thank you to everyone for the well wishes and who knows, maybe we will add a third next year...

minutes before

minutes after

less than 1 hour old

1 day old

1 week

Week by Week: 30-38

Week 30: I will no longer discuss my weight.  You are moving around like you are already a prima ballerina. Your heart rate was 140 this doctor visit. She said we were right on track. We finished your nursery this week which makes me extremely happy, now all that is missing is you!

Week 31: You are the size of a pineapple. You move so much! My belly is so tight. Said you are supposed to grow in inch this week. It’s been over 100 degrees outside which does not lend itself to a happy momma. But we have been busy inside getting ready for you.

31 Weeks

Week 32: You are the size of a squash. I haven’t gained weight this week which is fine by me. I feel stretched to capacity already. You move SO much. I feel like I have to pee a gallon and when I go a little trickle comes out. It’s estimated that you are 15” long already. Matthew is getting more excited to meet you since he can see all the changes in me. He has become clingier as of late and there has been a lot of ‘softing’ my hair. I am relishing every last moment as a mom to one child and snuggling him every night before bed. I’ve already teared at the idea of Mike walking you down the aisle.

I’m starting to realize that it’s been over 2 years since I have changed a diaper.

Week 33: You are the size of a Durian, whatever that is. Sleep is long gone, I just cannot get comfortable, except of course those 15 minutes before I have to get up, I find the most glorious position and feel as though I could sleep for hours but alas I must get up and start the day, there is no way Matthew is letting me sleep late anyhow (unless he thinks it’s a school day in which case he will snuggle as long as he can).

 Week 34: You are the size of a butternut squash, measuring well and heartbeat was strong in the 130’s. My weight is staying strong at +38lbs.  Matthew got to hear your heartbeat at the doctors this week and had a huge smile on his face. I am feeling just overly full and finding even sitting up straight to be uncomfortable. You are very high still but you are indeed head down. Matthew felt you kick really hard twice this week and I think it all finally clicked with him.

34 weeks

Week 35: You are the size of a coconut, I am at +39lbs. I am having lots of trouble sleeping, so I have been staying up later just to get as tired as possible so I might have a chance at 5 hours of sleep, interrupted by the constant bathroom trips of course, before my alarm goes off for work. Dr said we looked good, no progress down there but that is okay. I signed a waiver for a VBAC just in case you do decide to come early.

Week 36: You are the size of a honeydew. I stupidly read something about child birth that said a normal person’s pain threshold is 47 (in whatever the measurement for pain is) which is like fracturing 7 bones at once, giving birth is at a 52. I made sure Mike knew that his normal make light of things by using jokes is not going to fly if we do go into ‘spontaneous’ labor. I know he will be there for me at go time, it’s the leading up to that point that I am concerned about. Still not sleeping well and really am just having a hard time finding any sort of comfortable position to be in be it laying down, sitting up or standing.

Week 37:  You are the size of a winter melon. This is my last week at work. Sleep at night is a distant thought, but after the alarm hits I could snooze for two hours. You are still kicking hard but not as often, I know there isn’t much room left in there for you. There is not progression down there so no concern for an early arrival although I am ready for you.

Week 38: You are the size of a pumpkin! I am staying strong at a +39 weight gain, which isn’t so bad considering I gained close to 60lbs with Matthew. Your heartbeat was strong at 140 this week; your head is still high so again they are not worried about early delivery. I have one more doctor visit before the big C next week. I am absolutely exhausted, I just cannot sleep. Even though I have quiet time now throughout the day sleep eludes me. Anything and everything causes me heartburn/ indigestion- I am talking graham crackers and plain yogurt here. I am betting that you are very long and have a head of hair just like Matthew did. One more week!!!!

38 weeks

Things That Inspire

About a month ago Mike and I went on a quick trip to Asheville, NC just to have some time to ourselves before Lily arrives and also to celebrate 15 years together. Mike was very sweet to go antiquing with me, which actually he liked more than I thought, or at least he did not complain once about it so same thing in my book. I snapped a lot of photos of things I found that I liked but since we didn’t bring a trailer and I didn’t want to spike my credit card, I only bought two things during our trip. So here is a photographic journey of our window shopping excursion.  

I was on a journey for a wire basket  (to photograph Lily in). This was in the first store, the first thing I saw, but it wasn't right.

Mike loves an eagle. I thought this lamp was really great but TOO expensive.

Loved the idea of this, not necessarily the cow, but making something out of old pallets.

My mom has an old crate that I had been trying to heist for some time. Then while browsing I saw these but again, I couldn't bring myself to spend the money on one.

Found some great old cameras....

Adding a little burlap tacking to a hurricane vase or candle holder is a great addition to add just a little something

When Mike and I started out, I said make sure to keep your eyes out for bamboo frames. The BAM here they were, a pair of perfect bamboo frames, great condition but wholy crap they were $350! I am not sure if it was the print or the combo but nonetheless these stayed at the store.

This was just a cute little chair, with a cute print for a cute little princess.

Lots of great furniture pieces

Table made of twigs

I love a glass door knob!

Since watching Sara's House on HGTV and seeing what she can do with a corbel I have been looking for one that was unique and made a statement

This was perfect but again, my purse strings got the best of me

Thought this lamp was fantastic

My brother had one of these when he was little, it is now Matthew's, his is in better shape then this.

Me needy this table. It was magnificent

Another great piece that would be amazing re-done.

I love me some teal.

This was Mikes pick

I have been seeing these all over the place, in Pottery Barn, on various blogs and used in a bunch of different ways. Again, I am not sure that I needed it badly enough to cough up $150

MMM teal

Another store, a pile of crates. Not a special as I thought

I want this so badly, it was ready to use with the sink properly drained and everything

So here is what I did buy

Beautiful teal beaded necklace with a wooden clasp- LOVE!

Yellow egg basket- you will see Lily in this soon

And a few more photos from our visit in Asheville.

This was a stop on our way to Asheville, called Pretty Place. It is indeed beautiful but it was a rainy overcast day so you can't see the mountains behind the cross.

Just a cool sculpture on our lunch pit stop

Drum circle downtown Asheville

Peace FULL

A chicken on Chicken St

I stocked up with a macaroon, a coconut brownie and some other delightful dessert. It was heavenly.

Dont recall the name of the building but it was more the sky that I was shooting

Water spout that wasn't working

Blue Ridge Mountains

We ate great, walked a lot, I got a lot of those 'oh honey' looks being nine months preggo and walking around town got a few sympathy stares. It was a nice trip and thanks to my mom for watching Matthew while we took off a day.

Monica